In my mind, I can imagine my date, who I shall call Jay, pulling up on a Harley Davidson motorcycle, clad in a Billy Idol-esque outfit, his bleach blonde hair and sunglasses glittering brightly in the dim lighting of the trailer park's street lamps. He kicks the stand on his bike, flips of the sunglasses, and says¦�"Amanda!!!!"� He yells over the loud muffler of his 1987 Ford Ranger, which, at one time, was sky blue in Reagan's age and by Clinton's 2nd term had transformed into puke green. Similarly, when its beginning life had started in all its glory, that sweet girl used to purr like a kitten, but by 2008, she could barely bray like a mare. U.S. Marine Corps decals are spotted around dingy, rusty holes on the tailgate- the Ford logo had long since rotted away from existence. That old girl had seen more in its day than Joan Rivers, who, unlike that old truck, has aged gracefully. Sadly for me, his truck has a lift kit underneath it, complete with swampin' tires, making the climb to the passenger's side a mere 3 and a half feet off the ground, which is about 3\5 of my height. My dress could say the same in terms of being sad. The size I was promised by the lovely people at Amazon.com was a reasonable extra small; however, the tag told a completely different story: medium. The extra foot of dress ended up waterfalling over my little legs, causing my combat boots to be of no use to me. After managing to climb into the passenger's side, I accidentally slammed my dress in the door. By the time I noticed, it was too late. Jay was speeding like a bat out of you know where down the highway, not noticing the fibers in the flapping piece of dress unraveling wildly as we drove. Cars, transfer trailer trucks, and SUVs alike were swerving left and right: they were dodging the loose strings of my dress....great!

In my wildest daydreams, prom is seemingly magical to me. For the first time in a while, I'm actually dressed in a wardrobe that has far surpassed my parent's paychecks, and I look absolutely stunning, only first to my date, who is wearing a sharp, red "Flava-Flav" suit, sans giant clock. However, as I sit there looking out at the great spot in the road that is known as Alcoa, my guilt begins to overpower me like a ton of bricks. Mom and Dad almost literally handed me their pay checks in order for my night to be possible, but I kept refusing, saying that I only needed money for dinner. Instead, they kept insisting, saying(this is a direct quote, by the way), "Please, Amanda, don't screw up the most magical night of your young life like we did over 20 years ago. Would you like to spend prom night at Long John Silver's like we did? Do you know how humiliating it is to have your mother's little sister serve us fishsticks?" Almost immediately, I felt like screaming at Jay, telling him to stop the truck and take me home. If he asks why, I'll be honest with him: I don't want to spend my mom and dad's hard-earned money on prom. They've had talks of buying a plasma screen TV for weeks, and instead, they waste it all on a dress that I'm only going to wear once in my lifetime. By now, I feel like a loser wearing a semi-designer dress from Amazon.com. I can't even return it to get my money back like I can with all my nice outfits(funerals, mostly), so I guess I'm stuck now.......

As soon as we get to the Hilton, we are immediately struck with awe and only what I can assume is disapproval. Everyone is doing the "Solja Boy"(and how in evening wear, I don't know), but suddenly, they stop and gawk, as if they had never seen a 4'10 shrimp in a red dress with a huge oil stain on the bottom being escorted by a 6'3 newly pledged Marine who was trying his best to retain his boot-camp posture. We mirrored the motion and glared back at them mischieviously, causing more confusion than what was worth. Finally, I decided to break the silence by saying rather loudly, "Look, Jay, we're gods to them! They can't stop staring at us for one second!" Afterward, there was an awkward silence that had soon faded into the soft chirp of crickets and the slight twang of banjos. Grinning brightly, I looked up at Jay, knowing that my sadness was all in vain. I whispered under my breath and asked him a question that had been bugging me all evening, "Ready to rock like the Soviets are gonna get us?" Jay began to laugh and said, "Dang straight, sister. Should we ask everyone else to rock with us, too?" "Of course!" I said and looked in the direction of the DJ. "Hey, buddy, why don't you play some Motley Crue for us? While you're at it, ask all these suits if they wanna mosh, okay?"

What a magical evening.......

And if I don't see ya sooner, see ya later!!

Where are you?
I feel so lost inside this dark, cruel world without
the pure and bright walls you've built
around me.
Hold me close within your soul,
carry me in light
see to it that I'll never have to battle all of those in strife.
All that I have known, everthing I've trusted and allowed into
my heart has ripped itself astray
into a million little parts.
Please take me away from this place of hate,
from this place of pain.
Just for once, take it all away
for this time, I swear,
I'll strive for my redemption
and fight until the end
destroy hopelessness as it sleeps in its earthern lair.
I swear to avenge those lives lost,
the recycled deaths of society's rendition,
those hollow souls seeking ascension, ascension.
Spread their broken wings and fly, far far away into the liberated sky.
Sing your praises and songs of your redemption.....
My love, I fear for your future, I fear for your past
because with your departure, I fear this can't last.
I think back to the last time I held you close,
your eyes, they shined bright with dreaming.
You told me so much,
you bared out your soul
Promised to be near me,
Gave me the knowledge for all to know
But now that I hold you,
your eyes begin to die,
they've taken their purity, taken away their shine.
I try to revive what you had existed,
instead, you resisted, liked as you were.
My mind inside, the tears I've cried,
the false apprehension, the feeling of pride
Everything you had given has faded away,
leaving a shell of all that you were meant to be in its wake.
Can I grieve now?
Is that reality I see now?
My tears are falling, cold as hail
drenching your face, that ashen pale.
You looked up and smiled,
saying your last.
You can't say I love you,
but you love her instead....

copyright 2008 by Miss A the Ornery

If I don't see you sooner, I'll see you later!

Technically, primary voting for Tennesseans who were certain of their choice for candidates in the upcoming presidential election ended on February 5th, following a healthy supply of ads on TV for each candidate. Countless voters had show up at the polls and participated, electing various hopefuls in local offices, as well as presidential candidates. Out of that amount of voters, I have heard, was a steady stream of students who attended our area high schools. However, a few of us were not able to do our part, due to the fact that 1) we're not eighteen years old yet, or 2) we haven't made up our minds yet. For the victims of both, I leave you these tips to go by in the 2008 election.

Tips to consider while looking for a candidate:

1) Do not trust rumors and hearsay spread on the Internet about any candidate. You have absolutely no idea of this being true, so don't assume the worst. Be sure that if you do look up information about a candidate, go to a trusted website, like the New York TIMES, for instance.

2) Act your age, not your shoe size. Think of the 2008 election as a major responsibility in your life in which you must consider what role your favorite candidate has in our country. As a young adult, you must be mature enough to make your own decisions. If not, you don't deserve to vote at all.

3) Tread your own path. When it comes to elections, many people adopt the family or group strategy with voting. Typically, this means that someone will choose a candidate based on what political affiliation their family, friends, or significant other is. Out of all these tips, I will strongly advise you not to fall into this herd, simply because you will lose the chance of making your OWN decisions. Not everyone is the same when it comes to their values, and that's why this strategy always fails from generation to generation. For instance, you may be pro-life and your parents may be pro-choice. Candidate A favors abortion, Candidate B favors outlawing it. Since your parents are pro-choice, they will vote for Candidate A; however, you feel that Candidate B is the best choice. What's a person to do? Well, for one thing, you need to do more research on both candidates before reaching a legitimate decision. An election is not about hurting anyone's feelings, so it pays to use your own judgment, not Mom and Dad's.

4) Rhymes with WHAT? This can easily be tied in to tip #2 for many reasons. One, do not assume that a certain candidate is a potential threat to our country just because his last name rhymes with "Osama". Osama was a really, really mean guy, but as for the guy whose name rhymes with Osama, you don't know his real character. Just because a candidate's name sounds questionable doesn't mean you have the right to set a specific stereotype to them. It's a little childish on your part to assume so, and being shallow-minded will not get you far in life, trust me. Two, do not play the "ewwwww...cooties!" card when selecting a candidate. Yes, we all know this for a fact: Hillary Clinton is a woman. A woman, for crying out loud! I myself have heard people say that they wouldn't vote for her due to the fact of her gender. This isn't fair to her or to any woman. After all, women help choose presidents, regardless of the candidate's gender. As in the name issue, you shouldn't assume that because a candidate is a woman, she would be too soft or moody for the job. This lesson was learned many years ago, during a golden age when Xena ruled the TV...

5) Keep up on your debates. Political analysts always stress this to our nation's voters. Keeping up to date on presidential debates is essential to the decision-making process. Although they can be a bit boring, you must watch. (Note: you can watch debates on YouTube, your local TV or cable stations, or on Podcast.) When watching, ask yourself these questions: Do I trust this person to handle our country during a certain situation? Does this candidate have the same values that I do? What issues are they willing to address, and what, to me, is the most important? Finding the answer to these questions will prove to be the key to choosing.

And if I don't see you sooner, see you later!

10.) Sir Gawain is a total pansy. (Just reread SIR GAWAIN AND THE GREEN KNIGHT.)

9.) America isn't a Democracy, it's a Republic. (Hence why only Republicans win the presidential races and not Democrats.)

8.) Chuck Norris is superhuman. Walker, Texas Ranger didn't tell the whole world about his abilities as a whole.

7.) In terms of relationships, eating crow may be better than cooing like a dove.

6.) There is not a swimming pool on top of the school like the former Seniors told me when I was a freshman. I never believed the rumors, however, four years later, I was the one trying to convince the freshman that a swimming pool did exist on top of our school.

5.) According to the Pre-Calculus classes, it isn't a good idea to "drink and derive". (Whatever that means. I failed Algebra 2 and I have to take it over again.)

4.) Don't ever, ever, ever do a research paper at the last minute.

3.) Lockers aren't very good trashcans.

2.) All the girls in the cheerleading squad are bitches, regardless of race, color, and creed.

And the number one lesson I've learned in high school is......(drum roll, please!).......

1.) William Shakesphere is not gay, he was bisexual and there's a BIG difference between actually being gay. Second, he didn't write the Bible and third, the famous balcony scene in "Romeo in Juliet" never took place on a balcony. One more point: Macbeth is not a cursed play. After locking myself outside, losing all my data on my PS2 memory card, and tripping over a flower, I'm convinced that Macbeth is not cursed!

If I don't see you sooner, see you later!

Countdown to Graduation, minus 2 months

10.) My cat peed on it.

9.) My cat pooped on it. (My cat, Pooter, did stay sick all the time, hence the name.)

8.) My cat puked on it.

7.) I lost it at my mom's drug dealer's house.

6.) I left it in my sock drawer.

5.) I accidentally spilled spaghetti sauce on it while I was doing my homework. Obviously, multi-tasking isn't one of my best qualities; then again, I can play my Nintendo DS, watch TV, and wash clothes at the same time.

4.) I left it in the chicken coop or barn....I can't remember which. Well, I used to live on a farm, what did you expect?

3.) I was verrrry, verrry sick while I was doing my homework, so I couldn't finish it on account that I wasn't feeling good.

2.) My little cousin ate it.

And the number 1 most colorful excuse for me not turning in my homework is....... (Drum roll, please……)

1.) Wrap your heads around this one:
I totally forgot to do my homework even though I had several reminders written in my assignment book. When I got home, I started feeling verrry sick to my stomach, so I had to lie down until it passed. Meanwhile, as I slept, my cat, Pooter had the Hershey squirts and decided to use my homework paper as a litter box. Since she does have a history of not cleaning herself properly like cats should, the soiled mess became stuck on her back paw, where she dragged it around with her, eventually taking it into the barn. She finally took notice of this and managed to free herself from the poopy mess....yep, that's it, Ma'am. (Play the mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah from the Peanuts cartoons.)

If I don't see you sooner, see you later!